Gone Too Far Away
by anonymous slashlover
Summary: A great tragedy has occurred in Imladris. Erestor must put aside his own mourning to help his best friend mourn a lost lover. Slash, as always. COMPLETE!
1. Grief

Title: Gone too Far Away

Rating: PG-13 for self-mutilation (sorry if you aren't into that)

Author's Note: As you saw in the summary, this is very very very dark. I was in a really bad mood when I wrote this and it probably shows. There is also non-canon character death.

* * *

It was late fall, what used to be his favorite season of the year. The colors made everything seem so perfect. The wind was now beginning to pick up, sending the leaves in vibrant patterns around Imladris. It was just starting to cool down, which made it intensely pleasant to be outside. The sky here was nearly always cloudless. The smell of snow was just beginning to infect the air and catch everyone's breath from time to time. Fall had always been his favorite time, ever since he had been an Elfling.

Now he hated it. No, worse than that. He loathed it. Loathed it with a passion. Every gust of colorful leaves brought on another wave of unquenchable grief. Every leaf that departed from the tree reminded him of what he had lost. Every time someone smiled or laughed, even if they quickly stifled it in his presence, made him want to do something unspeakable. Still, the few Elflings around here couldn't help it. For most of them, this was their favorite season, and despite the fact that most of Imladris was grieving right now, they were oblivious to it.

No one knew how terribly melancholy he felt. No one understood the pain he was going through. All of Imladris had grieved the death. Only it was worse for him. They hadn't lost a best friend, a lover; his better half. They hadn't been the ones to see the always coolly stoic elf break down and cry, sometimes for entire nights at a time. They had never been there at every single rage he got into to calm him down. They had never been there all the time. And he had. Every single instance, every time they had been together, had been running through his mind for the past week.

He had not allowed himself to say his beloved's name in all that time. It would, he was sure, just end whatever restraint he had managed to summon up. So, although he had been asked to say a few words, he had declined. He had closeted himself up to cry. He, too, was not one to cry in public. Never had been. Still, all the rage and sorrow and despair was bottling up in him, building up the pressure. He wasn't sure how much more he could take before it all became too much.

He had come out this morning because Erestor had forced him to. Erestor, who had done his valiant best to keep a smile on his face, even though he was in mourning. Erestor had woken him up this morning and told him that he couldn't stay inside anymore.

"It's safer in here."

Erestor had smiled sadly. "You have to leave sometime."

"I'm not sure I do. Look what happened to him when he left."

"That was a fluke. How many times had he been out there before? It was what he did. It was what he was suited for. It was part of him. Just like you."

That started the tears up again. He furiously wiped them away, but Erestor sat beside him on the bed and held him until the sobs subsided. "You'll never get over this unless you face it," said Erestor primly. "So you're going outside. I want you to go sit in the gardens or something. Think about anything else. It's the only way you're going to survive."

"I have lost too many…I can't go on."

"Stop being ridiculous. Of course you can. And you will. I'm not giving you a choice. We need you alive and well around here, now that he's gone."

He had done as Erestor said. Erestor was stubborn enough to be able to convince anyone to do anything. That was why he was wandering aimlessly down the paths. The brisk wind whipped around his face, forcing him to close his eyes. That was a mistake. His beloved's image appeared before him. Stumbling back, almost falling, he opened his eyes. Breathing heavily, he leaned against a tree. Looking down, he saw that his hands were shaking. Consciously, he calmed himself and stood still until the tremors wracking his body had stopped. Only then did he feel it was safe to continue.

At the next available opportunity, he fairly collapsed down onto a bench. It was cold beneath him, but the cold seemed to take away the fantastical-seeming outlook on everything. Nothing seemed quite real. It was though he was looking at everything through a fog. Nothing was clear, and he had the dismal feeling that nothing would ever be clear again.

_I love you_ a voice seemed to whisper in the wind. _I will always be with you. I love you forever, meleth-nin._

"Liar," he said, "liar." He recalled that this was what his lover had said the first night that they had slept together. Not even wanting to close his eyes, he could still imagine it. It was completely improbable that they had ended up as lovers; they were both surprisingly shy when it came down to romance, and they had been sidestepping each other for decades.

Lying in his beloved's arms, feeling complete for the first time in his life, as his lover continued to trace gentle kisses down his neck and chest, licking the perspiration from their rather frantic lovemaking, biting him in certain well-located spots so that all of Imladris would know he was claimed, he knew there was no one else he would ever be happy with. Millennia of bliss had followed. They were elves, they were both relatively immortal. There was no reason they ever need be parted. With a sad smile, he recalled that they had been planning their bonding ceremony only last week.

Tears started to trace down his cheeks, and he did not even have the energy to brush them away. Feeling the sting in his eyes as the cold air hit the salty liquid blurring his vision, he took a deep breath and rose to his feet. He had been out here too long.

_You are the most perfect elf I have ever known._

He smiled bitterly. That had been the note on his gift their hundredth anniversary. They had been fighting but that had deftly ended the fight. He remembered finding the note on his desk that morning. All work forgotten, he had immediately gone to see his beloved and they had made love right in his office. They hadn't cared if anyone saw or heard them. That didn't matter. All that mattered was that they had been in love.

A fresh stream of tears coursed down his face. Leaning back against a tree as he started to be overcome, he sank down to the ground and clutched his knees to chest, hugging them tightly. He didn't care if anyone saw him in this undignified position. That wasn't important.

Nothing, he realized, was important anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. There was nothing that would spark any interest in him anymore. It was all gone. Every spark of life was gone out of him. He was a shell of who he had been, and nothing would be enough to convince him to pick the pieces up again. His self had been scattered to the wind.

Pulling himself up, he knew it was time to go to be alone. He had broken down again and it was at times like this that it was necessary for him to be alone. He couldn't bear for anyone, even Erestor, to see him like this. This was just about as bad as it got.

Every gesture reminded him of his lover. When he pushed his long hair out of his face, he was reminded of how his lover liked to play with his hair after they had had sex. A bitter smile appeared on his face at that one. When he heard the gentle tread of footsteps echoing behind him, he was reminded of how his lover would sneak up on him and ambush him in some secret places. He had lost count of the places they had made love. He had scolded his lover once, only half in jest, "We are among the most important elves on Arda. What would you say if someone caught us acting like Elflings?"

"I don't care," his lover had replied. "I don't care. I love you. I don't care who knows that. Nothing will convince me to stop this."

He began to hum a song to try to get his mind off of things, as Erestor had suggested. It took him about fifteen seconds to realize that he was humming his lover's favorite song. Once he realized this, he ran inside, not caring who saw him or what anyone thought of him. He had to be alone, he had to get away.

Then he made the mistake of going to his lover's rooms. That had only brought more tears. Ever since he had received the news, he had moved back into his rooms. Finally making it back to his room, he collapsed down onto his bed, his body shaking with the force of his sobs. He didn't hear Erestor enter the room, didn't notice his presence until the slender dark-haired elf embraced him. "Shh," Erestor murmured in his ear. He did not tell him it would be okay, because they both knew that this would never again be okay. Erestor was smart enough to understand that.

"Go away."

"I'm not leaving you alone. You're not well, and everyone here, myself including, cares about you too much. I'm sorry, but I can't leave you alone."

"If you care about me at all, you will."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going."

He pinned Erestor face-down and drew his dagger. He pressed the tip lightly against the back of Erestor's neck. "You will leave now."

"You'd have to let me up first." Erestor knew when he had taken it too far and wasn't going to press the issue. As soon as the blade of the dagger was removed, Erestor slipped off the bed. "You know where to find me if you need anything. Anything."

"Go away." He buried his head into a pillow until he heard the gentle click as Erestor closed the door behind him. He waited for a minute to make sure that Erestor was really gone and then rolled onto his side.

He didn't want to hurt Erestor. Erestor had done nothing but comfort him. It was wrong of him to snap at Erestor and he would apologize later. There was no need to take out his agony on Erestor.

Then he realized that he was still holding the dagger, could feel its cold weight in his hand. It was, he realized with another sad smile, another gift from his beloved. It was beautiful, with an ornately carved hilt decorated with two rubies. Incomprehensibly impractical, it was still beautiful, and he had never taken it off his person.

Almost before he realized what he was doing, the dagger was poised expectantly at the soft skin on the inside of his forearm. Applying just a little pressure, the cold steel bit lightly into his arm. A thin stream of blood appeared. It was funny, but it didn't hurt, not even a little. Pressing a little harder, the blade sank a little deeper. A little more blood trickled out.

He knew that he was not in control of himself now and deep down he knew that he should call Erestor. Erestor would take care of him and stay with him until this fit of madness that had suddenly possessed him stopped. Only he couldn't stop himself. The slightly lightheaded feeling that passed over him approached calm and collected. It was the first time he had felt that way since he had heard the news. Seeing his lifeblood leave his own body seemed to be a repayment. A life for a life.

Wanting to close his eyes, but keeping them open in morbid fascination, he began to seriously work on his arm. Quick, vigorous slashes produced the ever-calming lifeblood, dripping off his arm and soaking into the sheets of the bed. It wasn't long before he could no longer see most of his arm for the blood that coated it. His slashes were not random, they were clear and meaningful.

He dared not pause for the feeling that he might lose his nerve. Some of the pain was starting to become evident. Now he was having to bite his tongue to continue. This had purged the madness out of him, but he wasn't finished yet. He couldn't stop yet. By the time he was finished, he was gasping in pain. The dagger dropped from his suddenly seemingly nerveless right hand to land on the bed. It was covered in blood, from the tip of the blade all the way to the hilt. The rubies were the only part of the dagger that seemed to benefit from this. It was as if they had drunken in the blood and that made them shine ever more radiantly.

Now that his madness was completely gone, he stared at his arm objectively. With a completely clear mind, he rose and walked to the bathroom to wash the blood off, leaving a trail of red behind him. The crimson liquid soaked into the sleeve of his shirt, dripped onto and soaked into his leggings.

It took several minutes of washing to clean the blood off and rinse it down the sink. It took longer than that for the blood to stop flowing. When it was all done, before he took out the clean white gauze and wrapped away his shame, he stared at what he had done.

'Elrond,' it read.

Glorfindel closed his eyes as, once again, he began to weep.


	2. Discovery

Chapter Two

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
And my weakness is that I can't do much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel."  
-Papa Roach

Note: This is so completely non-canon that it stuns me. I'm talking seriously…Elrond dies!!!! He's not supposed to do that!! So, don't anyone even think about flaming me for it.

>>>>>>>>

Erestor opened Glorfindel's door and immediately caught a whiff of the acrid smell of blood. His gaze dropped to the floor. He could easily make out the drops of blood leading either two or away from the bathroom. Lying on the floor near the bathroom door was a bloody dagger. It was, Erestor recalled, the same dagger that Glorfindel had threatened him with the previous night. "Oh, Glorfindel, what have you done?" he murmured. He could see Glorfindel's form on the bed and walked over.

Glorfindel was breathing, Erestor noticed at once. That, at least, was good. Gently, trying not to wake Glorfindel, Erestor surveyed Glorfindel's body. His eyes caught on the bandage wrapped tightly around Glorfindel's left forearm. "How could you do this to yourself, mellon-nin?" asked Erestor. He had known that Glorfindel was grieving, but if he had known how bad it really was, he would not have left last night, no matter the threat that Glorfindel gave.

He was so lost in his thoughts of what should have and could have been that when the first clap of thunder came, he jumped. Looking out the window, he saw that the skies had grown dark and stormy. Vicious rain began to pelt against the windows and Erestor could gauge the force of the wind by the way the trees were tossed this way and that. Sitting beside Glorfindel, he wished that he knew what to do. He had known Glorfindel and Elrond forever, and it hurt him more than anyone knew to see Glorfindel like this. He had rejoiced when they became lovers, for both had lost too much in their lives. They had finally both been happy.

"Elrond?" murmured Glorfindel, rolling over and beginning to wake up.

"No, mellon, tis I, Erestor."

Glorfindel turned back away. "Erestor, I don't know what to do."

Erestor knew better than to recriminate Glorfindel for what he had done. There was no need to sink Glorfindel deeper into depression. But it had to be mentioned, and Erestor had to know if Glorfindel intended to do it again. "Do I have to take away all your weapons, mellon? I don't want you to be able to hurt yourself. Its for your own good."

"Yes…you probably should." Glorfindel knew that Erestor was looking out for him and was glad for that. He knew that he needed someone to do that for him. "I'm sorry…I know I shouldn't have…"

"Don't worry about it, Glorfindel. Did you clean it? Disinfect it? Because if you didn't, then I'm going to do it for you."

"Just leave me, Erestor."

"I'm afraid that I can't do that." He had been walking around the room, collecting the various weapons that Glorfindel owned. Lastly was the bloody knife. Balancing the bundle in his arms, he said, "I'm going to go put these somewhere you won't find them. And then I'm going to come back and we're going to talk. Okay?"

Glorfindel nodded. "Can you bring some food with you?"

"Of course." As Erestor left, a bright flash of lightning illuminated the dark room. It showed the worry and concern on Erestor's face, the sorrow in his eyes and the grief in the lines of his face and posture. There was, though, a flicker of hope in his face, a knowledge that life would go on and that someday everything would go back to normal. All that the lightning showed on Glorfindel was an utterly overwhelming despair, a knowledge that life had ended and nothing would bring it back. They both heard a crack as the lightning struck a tree. Another life had been ended.

Erestor didn't know how to help Glorfindel. Or at least not without making it sound like he was upset with Glorfindel. Glorfindel was his best friend and Erestor couldn't stand to see him hurt like this. Finding some of Glorfindel's favorite sweets (and making carefully sure that there were no foods that Elrond adored), and placing them on a tray, he walked up to Glorfindel's room.

"Glorfindel," he said as he walked in. "I have some food for you."

"Not hungry," said Glorfindel, who was still lying in bed.

"You have to eat," said Erestor, setting the food down on a table and walking over to the bed. He sat by Glorfindel, stroking the golden hair gently. "Things won't get better if you just lie here, mellon."

"Things won't get better if I do anything, Erestor," said Glorfindel in a dull voice. "Nothing is ever going to be right again."

"Please eat." Erestor sighed. "And have you cleaned out your…arm?" Erestor wasn't sure how to phrase it so it didn't sound judgmental. He looked over the bandage again and saw some faint traces of red. Was the thing still bleeding? "Can I please see it?"

"I don't need you to…judge me."

"You're my best friend. I'm here to help you, and if you don't want my help, then I'm here to stay with you to try and make your life livable again."

Glorfindel pulled away from Erestor, but Erestor was fed up with this. He wrapped an arm around Glorfindel's waist and held him still. "I'm going to explain a couple of things to you, Glorfindel, and I don't want you going anywhere while I do. First off, I am here for you. I don't care when or for what, if you ever need me, I will stop whatever I am doing and come to your side. Secondly, you aren't getting anything sharp in your presence when you are alone until I say so. Thirdly, every time you start thinking about whatever it was you were thinking about last night, I want you to come and talk to me."

"I just want to die."

Another crash of thunder.

"Do you honestly think that Elrond would want you to give up on life?"

Glorfindel honestly considered the question. Elrond had always been so vibrantly alive. No matter how bad things got, Elrond remained optimistic and determined. Oh yes, he did get angry, but he never gave up hope that things would eventually get better. And that was what had gotten him killed. He told Erestor as much, and Erestor laughed at him.

"Glorfindel, my dearest friend, you have been by Elrond's side for the past millennia, but you have missed so much!"

Glorfindel was hurt. He attempted to move away from Erestor, but Erestor wouldn't let go. "I loved him!"

"I never said you didn't. Elrond always believed in living every day like it was his last. You, you're lying there, acting as though you were already dead. You can remember him better if you…not necessarily move on, but if you at least pretend that there is some point in living."

"There is no point in living."

"I said pretend. Do you think you can pretend?"

Glorfindel sighed. "Don't play your mind games with me, Erestor. Elrond may have liked them, but they drive me insane. Very well. I will pretend to be happy, I will pretend that nothing is wrong."

Erestor knew that that was going to be very hard for Glorfindel. "And I will be there for you. I want you to know that. Now let me see your arm." He had to see how bad it was, though by the amount of blood he had so far seen around the room, it had been quite bad." He grabbed for Glorfindel's arm. Glorfindel made no protest.

Erestor closed his eyes when he saw how bad it truly was. Biting his lip and tasting blood of his own, he said, "Glorfindel…" He trailed off. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't sound judgmental and nothing that he could say without screaming at Glorfindel. So he would say nothing.

"I know its bad, Erestor. You don't have to tell me that. And I know you don't approve of it…"

"Glorfindel," said Erestor, switching topics until he could think of something suitable to say regarding Glorfindel's arm, "you promised to pretend to act normally, and that means you will have to eat."

With a sigh, Glorfindel sat up, as Erestor freed him, and walked over to the food. "Who is running Imladris right now?" asked Glorfindel after a few moments.

Erestor stood and walked over to stand beside the taller elf. "I am, or at least I'm trying. There's so much to be done."

Glorfindel smiled. "Elrond was a genius." He turned to Erestor and embraced him tightly. "I miss him so much already. Every time I do anything, I always turn to see Elrond do it with me, and he's never there. He's gone Erestor. Nothing will ever bring him back." He was sobbing by now.

"I know. I mourn him, too. I know that it will never be in the same way or to the same extent that you do, but I mourn. But we will make it through this, Glorfindel. I swear to you that we will find some way to make it through this."

The two elves sat down, still touching, still both needing the warm reassurance of another elf that cared. They sat in comfortable silence, each occasionally taking a piece of food. Glorfindel's arm was wrapped casually around Erestor's shoulders and Erestor's head was resting lightly on Glorfindel's shoulder, his arm around Glorfindel's waist.

They didn't notice that the storm had stopped. Slowly, the rain dissipated and the wind died down. The clouds began to part, and a few scant rays of sunlight made their way to the ground. Elves once again began to emerge outside. None minded the occasional inconvenience of a thunderstorm, the rain provided needed nourishment for all of Imladris. And once the storm was over, everything seemed a little brighter for the brief spell of darkness.  
.

Please review!! Trying to juggle three stories at once, and I won't continue this one unless i get some feedback


	3. Funeral

Chapter Three

* * *

The first rays of sunlight illuminated Erestor's wearied features. The lines of sorrow were wiped away in sleep, though. It was only in sleep that Erestor found respite from the hell that life in Imladris had quickly become. As the light hit Erestor's eyes, he blinked several times and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He sat up and ran his hands through his slightly-longer-than-shoulder-length dark hair, hoping to convince it to look somewhat presentable. Knowing that he had to hurry, he got out of bed and threw on his formal robes. They were black. Black was not his choice of colors, but he was in mourning and it would look odd if he didn't wear them. A bird began to chirp its high-pitched song from his windowsill. Erestor turned and saw the cardinal that had adopted him. Erestor scattered some seeds on the windowsill and then went back to the matter of making himself presentable for the funeral.

It took him about twenty minutes before he felt that he was ready to leave. Mentally, he composed himself. He was going to have to be the strong one today. Taking a deep breath, he headed down the hall and knocked on Glorfindel's door. There was no response. He knocked again, slightly harder. There was still no answer. Shaking his head in mild confusion, he opened the door (it was unlocked on Erestor's orders) and looked in. He saw Glorfindel sitting by the window, already dressed and ready. "Glorfindel?" he asked softly, walking over. As he got closer, he could see the tears rolling steadily down the blonde's cheeks. He crouched down and pulled the elf into his arms. "Shh, Glorfindel. We have to be strong."

"You be strong. I can't." Glorfindel, nevertheless, took several calming breaths. He was a warrior, and no one had actually seen him cry (except Erestor, who would never tell, and Elrond, who was in no position to). "I don't think I can do this, Erestor."

Erestor couldn't help but nod. He didn't think that Glorfindel was emotionally ready to be put through this. Looking around the room, he couldn't help but notice that everything that even vaguely reminded Glorfindel of Elrond had been removed. Glorfindel had gone to the extreme, trying to block out everything that would bring back memories. Erestor knew that that was not what Elrond would want for him to do. Still, it was better for Glorfindel to do this than cut himself. Erestor routinely checked Glorfindel's room to make sure that there was nothing that Glorfindel could hurt himself with and so far had found three daggers and a kitchen knife. Erestor was at a loss as to how much more he could do for his friend. "You loved him. You have to go down there."

"I can't face them." Glorfindel was honestly surprised by how much Erestor seemed to care. Erestor had always been a friend to him and a friend to Elrond, but he had also seemed vaguely distant. Always ready to join in on a conversation but somehow separated from them. Glorfindel had often wondered about the elf's reticence, but had never called him on it. Now, though, Glorfindel was hard-pressed to recall any times where Erestor was not within a minute's reach of him. Not that he was complaining, but it just seemed an entirely different kind of attitude.

"I'll be with you, mellon-nin. You know that. You don't have to stay long. Just enough to show that you were there. You have to honor Elrond's memory somehow. He would want this from you." Erestor stood up, and then offered his hand to Glorfindel. Glorfindel took it and rose to his feet.

"Why are you doing this for me?" asked Glorfindel, finally voicing his feelings.

"Doing what?"

"You always seemed so distant. Not cold, necessarily, but distant. And now you are always at my side."

"You lost your lover. I thought that you would appreciate some company…and you need someone to take care of you when you decide not to take care of yourself." Erestor kept the malice out of his voice only because of long practice in doing so. This was taxing on Erestor, to keep Glorfindel from doing anything to himself and also trying to keep Imladris running.

"I suppose you're right. Come on, then, let's go." Glorfindel put an arm around Erestor's shoulders and Erestor followed suit. Together, they walked downstairs, where a better part of Imladris was waiting. Someone had asked Glorfindel to say a few words, but Erestor had told them no. Glorfindel was a wreck already, and there was no need to put him through anything more than what he had been through.

Elrond was in a closed coffin. The wreck of his body would have only hurt Glorfindel more. Glorfindel had not actually seen the body, and that had been due to careful scheming on Erestor's part. The orcs had not been kind to Elrond. They had beaten him nearly to death. They had then snapped his spine. Next, they had cut off his hands and feet. It was about then that Elrond had died. This did not stop the orcs, though. They beheaded Elrond and then attempted to burn the body. Fortunately, some Imladris elves had found the orcs at that point, and removed all of Elrond from the fire. But Glorfindel did not need to know that. And Glorfindel especially did not need to see that.

Erestor steered Glorfindel around the room, careful to avoid most conversation. The last thing anyone, especially Erestor or Glorfindel, needed was for Glorfindel to break down here. Erestor mostly just wanted Glorfindel to be seen. This was a step towards closure, as well, and if there was one thing that Glorfindel needed, it was for him to slowly get over Elrond's death. Most people seemed to understand that, for which Erestor was thankful. He was not above being rude to people today to protect Glorfindel. Normally a mild elf, he was noted for his sharp tongue when annoyed.

"I don't know how much longer I can stand this," murmured Glorfindel.

"It won't be much longer, mellon," replied Erestor. "I have to say something…"

"You're doing it instead of me?"

"Do you mind?"

"No…it's just…you're going to have to leave me alone…and I don't think that I want that."

Erestor smiled sorrowfully. "What happened to the Glorfindel that I knew? The warrior? The Balrog-slayer?"

Glorfindel looked at the ground. "He died with Elrond."

"Just stay here. I'll make it quick." Erestor squeezed Glorfindel's shoulder lightly, and then made his way to the front of the room. The room quieted as they saw that Erestor was ready. Erestor closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hoped that he would manage to keep the tears back. Elrond had been a dear friend to him and he Erestor mourned nearly as deeply as Glorfindel. Clearing his throat, he said, "It is hard for me to find the words to express what Elrond truly was to all of us. To me, he was a dear friend, a wise councilor, a steadfast ally, and a grievous enemy. We didn't always agree but we always understood each other. Elrond had that gift. No matter how different you were from him, it always felt like he understood. And I think he always did. Elrond will undoubtedly be remembered by history as a great elf, but all of us here knew him more personally, and such a description of him, to me at least, appears lacking.

"He told me once, a long time ago, that life is worth nothing if not appreciated. He always lived as though that day was his last. You may disagree with me, but this tells me that he would not want us to destroy, however inadvertently, what he created, just because he was no longer with us. He would want us to live and prosper. None of us will ever forget him. He was too strong and too…too omnipresent to ever truly leave our minds.

"I knew Elrond since we were Elflings. Even then, I knew he was special. Of course, by his birth and all the tragedy of his young life to that point, everyone knew who he was. Others would have taken advantage of that. Elrond didn't. On many occasions, I saw him turn away favors bestowed upon him because they were out of pity for him. Elrond did not want to be pitied. He was special in a way that I have seen duplicated in precious few elves. There was a spark of such vivid, vibrant life that you were drawn to him, captivated by him. He had the gift of persuasion, of course, but there was something else. And everyone who routinely came into his presence knows of what I speak.

"I was with him when we founded Imladris. He was determined to make this place a haven for all of Elfkind. I think he has succeeded in that. I think that he would want for that to continue even now. I don't know what he would want any of us to do, because I can't speak for the dead. I do feel confident in saying, though, that he would want us to live.

"He would want us to live and keep up hope. He would want us to uphold everything that he valued and everything he stood for. The things that Elrond did for Imladris and for all of Middle Earth will forever be remembered. His deeds and his reputation will be known to all of Arda for all time. His fame will not end with his death.

"But by the people of Imladris, those who knew him, those who called him friend, Elrond was not only a mystical warrior-scholar-healer, an elf to many only one step down from the Valar. He was our friend, our confidante. He was my friend. I will never forget him. Mellon-nin, if your spirit resides here today, hear me when I say that that which you lived for will never die, and that which you died for will live on forever."

Erestor pushed his way through the people to find Glorfindel. His friend immediately attached himself to Erestor's arm. They went upstairs, and Glorfindel barely made it back to his room before he collapsed into uncontrollable spasms of sobs. Erestor held him and soothed him. "We have to be strong, Glorfindel. We have to keep Imladris together. I cannot do that alone."

"I'm not strong enough…"

"That's why I'm here. I will be strong for you. I will take some of the burden for you and we will make this alright. We will keep Imladris going and we will never give up hope." Gently, he caressed Glorfindel's cheek. "We will survive, Glorfindel. I swear that to you."

Glorfindel nodded, trying as best he could to stop crying. He hated to cry. "I can try, Erestor. That is the only promise I will make. I will try."

"And that is all I am asking from you."

There was a soft chittering from the window. Erestor looked over and saw his cardinal. Smiling, he walked over to the window, opened it, and let the bird in. The bird proceeded to ignore him and flew promptly over to Glorfindel. It landed softly on Glorfindel's shoulder and made itself comfortable. Glorfindel was surprised at first by this, but then smiled. The bird made him feel needed and welcome. "Is it your bird?" he asked Erestor.

"That is a wild bird. It belongs to no one. It adopted me for a time, but I think that you will be its next victim. It needs you. Look, one of its wings is crooked, it cannot survive without help from someone. If the bird decides it needs you, then you have to be willing to help it."

Glorfindel smiled a little more. Something needed him now. Something was depending on him.

It was a good feeling.

The kind of feeling that made life worth living.

* * *

Author's Note: I know nothing about Elvish funeral customs. So i decided to make them up because this seemed fitting and i needed to do something for Glorfindel. Flame me if you like, but that won't change anything. 


	4. Realizing

Chapter 4

* * *

He smiled, removing his prize from beneath the pillow. It was just after dark, and Erestor had finally gone to bed. Glorfindel did not mind Erestor's presence. In some ways, it helped him to almost forget that he would never see Elrond again. It was just that Erestor was so motherly that Glorfindel felt like he was being smothered. Now he was all alone, and he had finally managed to smuggle this dagger in unseen. Erestor was extremely canny at finding all of Glorfindel's captured weapons.

The dagger was not his own. He had taken it from one of the men at the funeral. He had slipped it up his sleeve and Erestor had not noticed. Now he was all alone, and soon he would be with Elrond again. That was what was most important. Only now it was not sorrow he felt, nor depression, only a solemn determination to end his life. That meant that his wrists were a less viable option than, say, his carotid. He placed the cool tip of the blade to his throat, testing his own courage. Erestor had called him brave. It would take a truly brave man to be able to kill himself. Now Glorfindel had to see if he was as brave as everyone liked to call him.

He took a deep breath. He had to think about this. This could not be any spur of the moment decision. He was too rational for that right now. Any decision he was about to make had to be a rational one. Firstly, then, he had to think about those that he would leave behind. Notably, there was Erestor. It was difficult to know how Erestor would take it. Glorfindel really didn't know Erestor as well as he might like to. It was fairly safe to say, though, that there was much that Erestor could not do in Imladris. Imladris would not remain long with just Erestor ruling it. That was one thing in favor of Glorfindel putting the dagger down right now.

Then again, there were the pros to killing himself. He would see Elrond again. He was sure of that. Also, all the emotional and psychological pain would gone and there would be no more feelings of hopelessness and absolute endless despair that would never be fixed. Glorfindel knew that that alone would be worth dying.

Glorfindel looked up to hear a chirping from the window. He looked over and saw the cardinal at the window. Picking up a small something from the table nearest to him, he chucked it at the bird. With a reproving squawk, the bird flew off. Glorfindel shook his head. The bird knew nothing. The bird did not feel his pain. The bird understood nothing about why this was the right choice for him.

Glorfindel took in a deep breath. This had to be done quickly, or he knew he would lose his nerve. He felt his hand trembling and hated himself for this momentary weakness. He shook his head and gripped the dagger tightly. Soon he would be with his beloved again. In one smooth stroke, he sliced through his neck.

* * *

Erestor laid down in bed. It had been a long day. What with the funeral and then comforting Glorfindel all through the rest of the day, he was more exhausted than he had ever been. He would have never thought that it would be. He dreaded thinking about what it would be like to run Imladris. He remembered seeing Elrond exhausted at the end of nearly every day. And Elrond was far better at these administrative things than he was. Erestor knew that this would test him as nothing else had.

He closed his eyes and Elrond's face entered his mind's eye. That caring, casual smile and the long nights that the two had once spent together as friends, drinking, watching the stars, playing chess, talking. A very long time ago, Erestor had made the most grievous mistake of his life. He had fallen in love with Elrond. At the time, such a thing was not an impossibility, and for a while, Erestor had thought that Elrond might grow to care for him, too. Only months after Erestor had decided that he loved Elrond, Elrond had met Glorfindel. It had been love at first sight for both of them. Erestor had known that he stood no chance.

Erestor had loved Elrond from afar for millennia. He had never really hated Glorfindel. As a reasonably rational elf, he knew that Glorfindel was not to blame, as Erestor had never had the courage to tell Elrond of his love. Erestor became friends with Glorfindel, though he had never quite been able to stay as close to Elrond. It hurt too much. He had never fallen in love again, and doubted that he ever would. Elrond had captured his heart fully and Elrond would always have his heart, even though he was now dead.

A soft chirping from the window pulled him out of his musings. He looked up and saw the cardinal on the windowsill. Erestor knew a few words of the cardinal's tongue, and could make out some of what the bird said. Mostly, what he got out of it was 'danger'. Rising from his bed, he dashed down the hall to Glorfindel's room. The door was locked. Erestor sighed. He took a few paces back from the door and threw his shoulder into it. The door crashed open.

Erestor did not care about the stinging pain in his shoulder. That didn't matter. What mattered was Glorfindel, who was collapsed down on a chair, streams of red coursing down his clothes. As Erestor watched, the bloody dagger slipped from Glorfindel's hand to land with a dull clatter on the floor. Walking over, Erestor could tell that Glorfindel was still alive, if only barely.

"Glorfindel, why do you do this?" murmured Erestor under his breath. He inspected the wound quickly. It was not as deep as Erestor might have expected. Perhaps it was not fatal. He called at the top of his lungs for someone to help him. Meanwhile, he ripped a length of the sheets off of Glorfindel's bed and bound it around Glorfindel's neck. Erestor looked up at the cardinal, which had joined him and was waiting outside the window. Casting a glance at Glorfindel, Erestor opened the window and the bird flew in to land on his shoulder, chirping happily.

* * *

Glorfindel awoke and realized that he was not in the Halls of Waiting. Instead, he was lying in a clean bed with white sheets. The air smelled like flowers and fresh earth. He reached up to his neck and felt a thick bandage there. Grimacing, he tried to decide how Erestor had caught him this time. A soft twittering issued from beside him. "Stupid damned bird," he mumbled.

"That stupid damned bird saved your life," said Erestor, walking over with a beatific smile. He sat down on the bed beside Glorfindel.

"I don't want to live," said Glorfindel. "I want to die. I want to be with Elrond."

"You swore to me that you would try to live."

"I tried…"

"You did nothing of the sort. As soon as I left, you attempted to kill yourself. Only the bird saved you. I cannot trust you to be alone…"

"What am I, a child?"

"Elrond would not want you to die. I won't let you die."

"So now what? You'll be at my side all the time?"

Erestor smiled. "Absolutely." He ran his hand through Glorfindel's golden hair. "I want you alive. Imladris needs you alive. Elrond would not want to see you die. I can guarantee that. I knew him longer than you."

"You're driving me insane."

"That's the plan."

* * *

Erestor collapsed down into the chair, exhaustion heavying his eyelids. Glorfindel was sleeping peacefully in the bed in the healing ward. Erestor knew that he didn't actually have to stay, as there were healers here all the time, but he felt that he owed Elrond this much. _Elrond, why did you have to go and die? All of us loved you far too much._ Erestor wondered idly if Glorfindel would hate him if he knew how Erestor had always felt about Elrond.

"'Restor?" asked Glorfindel sleepily.

Erestor opened his eyes. "Yes?"

"Are you still here?"

Erestor felt that that was a remarkably stupid question, but said, "Of course I'm here, Glorfindel. Sleep now."

"Will you stay all night?"

"I promised that I would stay here with you."

"What will we do tomorrow?"

Erestor smiled at this. "So we are going to try to rule Imladris ourselves?" A brief nod from Glorfindel. "Then tomorrow, we shall deal with the trade party from Mirkwood and the diplomat from Lorien. They have been waiting here for several days now, and I have been waiting until you are in control of yourself before I leave you alone for too long. It appears that that was the right thing to do. So get some sleep. We have a lot of work to do tomorrow. I will make sure that you are so busy, you will have no time to dwell on anything else."

Glorfindel mumbled something unintelligible and then settled back down to sleep. Erestor stood up, stretched, and looked at Glorfindel. While sleeping, Glorfindel looked like an angel. Erestor smiled at himself. He was not one to dwell on the fanciful. Perhaps it was just the stress and the sleeplessness. The cardinal settled on his shoulder and pecked lightly at his ear. Erestor swatted it away, but it refused to budge.

Erestor walked over to Glorfindel's side. A slight smile grew on Glorfindel's face, something that Erestor had not seen in nearly long enough. _He truly is beautiful._ Erestor was surprised at that thought. The only elf he had ever considered beautiful was Elrond. _Are you falling for Glorfindel? That would be a terrible mistake. He is so far in grief right now. He would think you are just trying to take advantage of him_.

"Sleep softly, my beautiful Glorfindel," Erestor said softly. He smoothed down the golden hair and returned to his seat. He could not, hard as he might try, draw his gaze from Glorfindel. Glorfindel had become, in his mind, the very picture of perfection. Shaking his head at his own needless foolishness, he closed his eyes. As he drifted off to sleep, Elrond's face began to fade in his mind. It was replaced by Glorfindel, Glorfindel as he had been once, before Elrond's death. The Glorfindel that had been radiantly alive and radiantly beautiful, the one who had, unknown even to Erestor himself, forced his way into Erestor's heart, usurping Elrond and making a place for himself there. _I think I love you, Glorfindel._

Rising to his feet one last time, and walking over to Glorfindel's bedside, he said what he had never dared say to any elf before. "I love you."

* * *

Author's Note: I think that this story is starting to summarize itself in my mind. I think that there will be two or three more chapters, and then I'll finish this one up.

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. I don't know what I'd do without you!


	5. Hopes

Chapter 5

* * *

Erestor woke up with an incredible pain in his neck and back. He made a mental note to never sleep in a chair again. Unfolding his twisted limbs, he cautiously stood up, staggering a little as his legs regained feeling again. He stretched, hoping to relax his muscles, but that only made the pain worse. Grimacing and muttering a curse under his breath, he resumed his walk. Slowly, his muscles began to unwind. It was nothing like better, but it was a lot closer. Only now did he pay any care to Glorfindel, who was still sleeping soundly. Glorfindel had curled up on his side in the bed and was clutching the blankets tightly in both hands.

Erestor sat on the edge of the bed and laid a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. Shaking Glorfindel slightly, he said, "Mellon? It's time to wake up."

With much difficulty and incoherent mumbling, Glorfindel opened his eyes and looked at Erestor. "Can't I just sleep?" He half sat up, lying down just enough to ensure that he would be able to fall asleep in seconds again if he won this conversation.

Erestor wanted desperately to say yes, that he would watch over Glorfindel while he slept. He knew he couldn't, though, and so he said, "It really would be better if you did get up." Erestor slipped his arm around Glorfindel's shoulders. "We have to start getting things in order around here. I need your help."

Glorfindel wrapped himself around Erestor, pulling Erestor down into a lying position. "I can't handle it today…"

"That's what you say every day. Now, come on. You have to get up and come with me. There's work to be done." Reluctantly, he freed himself from Glorfindel's arms and stood up, running a hand through his hair. It would be wonderful to get a bath and change his clothes, but he wasn't sure whether he trusted Glorfindel enough to let him stay here alone, even in the healing ward. Glorfindel could be cunning when he put his mind to it. After all, hadn't he gotten a dagger past Erestor?

Glorfindel sat up and hung his head. "I…you're angry with me, aren't you, Erestor?"

Erestor shook his head. "Of course not, Glorfindel. Why would I be angry with you?"

"I've caused you so much trouble…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done everything that I've done. I should be in more control." Glorfindel straightened up and looked Erestor in the eye. "I swear, on my love for Elrond, that I will never try to hurt myself again. I will stop being a bother to you." Glorfindel cast his eyes down on the sheets again, ashamed at what he had put his friend through.

"You're not a bother to me at all." _Indeed_, thought Erestor, _it was only through dedicating so much of my time to you that I realized how much I care about you._ "It's just been a long few days, that's all." _Isn't that the truth?!_

Glorfindel frowned, realizing something. "You mourned him as deeply as I, didn't you?"

Erestor frowned. "Probably not, Glorfindel. He was your lover. I was his best friend. I mourned Elrond, I still do for that matter, but I doubt that it goes as deep as yours did." Erestor shook his head slightly; somehow he doubted that his mourning for Elrond had actually been any less than Glorfindel's. It was just that Erestor had long ago learned how to bundle up emotions and shield them, conceal them, from the rest of the world. It was the only way he had survived as long as he had. "So, are you going to get up or am I going to have to drag you?"

Glorfindel involuntarily smiled. Then he realized what he was doing and smiled even more broadly. It had been a long time since there was anything to smile about. He had thought that any happiness on his part would somehow indicate faithlessness to Elrond. Now he saw, though, that Elrond would not have wanted him to be miserable all the time. Elrond wouldn't have done any of this if Glorfindel had died. At least Glorfindel didn't think so. Elrond just didn't seem the type. Now Glorfindel realized that he was thinking about Elrond without even getting really upset. He supposed that this meant he was getting over the whole mourning process. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Yawning and stretching his arms above his head, he said, "I suppose I shall get up. I will make only one request."

"I'm listening."

"Can I bathe before we do anything else today. And I need some fresh clothes." Glorfindel smiled again. "I assure you that I will not do anything to hurt myself. I made that oath, and I will not break it."

"I do not doubt you, mellon-nin. I suppose I shall offer you a small measure of trust. I could do with some clean clothes as well. Very well, I propose that we bathe and change and then meet back here in…say an hour. Is that sufficient time for the Lord Glorfindel to ready himself?"

Glorfindel smiled at Erestor's mocking of his grooming habits. Elrond had often joked with him about it as well, oftentimes in Erestor's presence. Sighing theatrically, he said, "I suppose I can manage it in an hour. Though don't be surprised if I am late."

Erestor grinned broadly. Something had broken Glorfindel out of his depressive mood. Erestor was not sure what it was, but he was not complaining. The only thing that he could see as annoying was that Glorfindel would no longer be relying on him for everything. Somehow, it made their relationship closer without Erestor having to do much. Erestor was smart enough to know not to try anything with Glorfindel; Elrond was only just dead. To do anything with Glorfindel would be disrespectful to Elrond's memory.

Shaking his head at the sudden change in Glorfindel's behavior, Erestor left the healing ward and headed for his room. What he would love right now was a long cleansing bath. The only thing that Erestor could imagine would make it even slightly better would be if Glorfindel was there as well. Erestor mentally chastised himself for this thought. Glorfindel would not be interested even if Erestor offered. Erestor knew that he had to be intelligent about this. If he ever wanted to be more to Glorfindel than just a friend, he couldn't rush things.

As he walked down the halls, everything seemed to be somehow more alive. It could have been that the sun was shining, really shining, for the first time since the news had come back. It added a radiant glow to everything where there had been none before. Erestor somehow didn't think that that was the reason. Or at least not the whole reason. There was a deeper something in play here. Elrond had been Imladris's master, and Imladris had, strange as it seemed, responded, in a way, to Elrond's moods. When Elrond was grouchy, the weather was bad. When Elrond was elated, the weather could not be better.

Thinking of the connection between Elrond and Imladris forced Erestor to think of Vilya. Fortunately, the orcs hadn't taken it from Elrond's corpse. Erestor was not enough of a fool to allow the ring to be buried with Elrond. Right now, it sat in a box in Erestor's room. Erestor knew that someone would have to take ownership of him; most likely it would end up being either himself or Glorfindel. Erestor wasn't sure that he wanted the burden of that much responsibility, but he wasn't sure that Glorfindel was capable of handling it. At least not yet.

Erestor sighed and dismissed these troubling thoughts. They could wait another day or so. Right now he should be rejoicing in the change of the weather and Glorfindel's sudden sanity. So he decided to let go, to relax. Today would be a good day; the first one of its kind since the terrible news. Involuntarily, the memory of having found out assaulted his mind and he had to lean against the wall for strength.

_The elf burst into the room. The first thing that Erestor noticed was the pale, ghost-like face of the elf. Then he saw the tear-trails down the elf's face. That was when he knew something was dreadfully wrong. "What is it?" he asked, managing to control his voice._

_The elf had been unable to find his voice for several moments. Finally, he managed to say, "It's the Lord Elrond…he…he was…was…killed…"_

Erestor consciously stopped the memory from playing through in his head. Later, he could deal with purging those thoughts from his head. Right now, though, he reminded himself, was a time for happiness, not dwelling on sore memories and miserable feelings. Stepping away from the wall, he entered his room.

* * *

Glorfindel didn't know what had brought about such a change in his mood. There was no reason he could cite. It was just that when he had woken up this morning, it had seemed that there was nothing anymore that he need be worried about. It was curious, but he even felt that his past actions and mourning had been stupid. He knew that they were not, but it proved to him, somehow, that he was starting to get over Elrond's death. He knew that it would be a long process. He was willing to face it, though, now, in a way that he had not been able to before this morning. He was willing to look ahead, not behind. The burden had mysteriously been lifted from his shoulder. If he had not been an almost avowed atheist (apart from the fact that yes, he had met Mandos), he would have thought that the Valar had something to do with it. Or Elrond, at least, reaching out from the Halls of Waiting. Though he was relatively sure such things could not happen.

Smiling at allowing himself these idle musings, something Elrond had long ago strictly forbade him from doing, he entered his room. Looking around, he saw how empty he was. All the missing objects, he realized, were things that reminded him of Elrond. Now he decided that it was stupid for him to have removed them. All the things that reminded him of Elrond were all cherished memories. Now that he was over the worst part of his grief, he felt that it might be time to return them to their places. Maybe he could even convince Erestor to let him have his weapons back.

His thoughts fell once more on the dark-haired elf. In many regards, Erestor resembled Elrond, both mentally and physically. Glorfindel remembered that when he had first met them, he was certain that they were lovers. It had taken a surprisingly large amount of reassurance from both of them that there was only friendship between them. Glorfindel had never been sure, but he felt that there had been at least a little love on Erestor's part. He had never questioned Erestor about it; as long as Erestor never made a move on Elrond, it was none of Glorfindel's business, really. For the first time, he believed that he was going to get to know the real Erestor. He had the feeling that before this time, all he had ever known was the shielded Erestor. Glorfindel wanted to know why Erestor shielded himself, and found himself curiously wondering how difficult it would be to break that shield down.

For some reason, Glorfindel thought about the fact that he was not sure that Erestor had ever had a lover, male or female. It could have just been that Erestor was very secretive about his personal life, but Elrond knew more about Erestor than he did, and Glorfindel was sure that Erestor would have confided in them if he took a lover. Glorfindel couldn't imagine why Erestor would have never taken a lover. There was nothing unappealing about Erestor at all. Though Erestor had a sharp tongue, Glorfindel could remember numerous moments of tenderness.

Glorfindel frowned at himself. He had never thought about Erestor this way before. It was strangely disturbing. It was almost as though he was falling for Erestor…_no, you aren't. You can't,_ he told himself. He found himself wondering why not.

* * *

"I just want them both to be happy."

"I am doing what I can. And you're helping, too. You're helping Glorfindel to realize that it's okay to get over you, that he doesn't have to spend every waking moment on dwelling on you." Mandos looked at Elrond and smiled. Elrond was a pet project of his; Mandos had gone out of his way to make Elrond's life bearable as he had known Elrond's eventual fate.

"I never knew that Erestor loved me. How could I have been so blind?"

"He was not for you, Elrond."

"Do you think that they could be happy together?"

"That's why we're doing what we can for them. Erestor's love will help Glorfindel to move on with his life. Glorfindel's love will help Erestor to become the elf that he is deep down. You hurt him, near mortally wounded him, when you took Glorfindel as a lover…" Mandos held up a hand to prevent Elrond from saying anything, and continued, "…part of him died that day. He has never looked upon another with anything approaching love since. He started to love Glorfindel on his own, I had no hand in that. I'm just helping to…nudge them along, as it were."

"Like I said, I just want them to be happy." Elrond had seen what Glorfindel did to himself in grief and had wanted nothing more than to take Glorfindel in his arms to comfort him. Mandos had forbidden Elrond to even visit Glorfindel in a dream, though, saying that it would be better to let things take their own course. Now Elrond could see why. He hoped that his best friend and his lover would be happy together. Both of them deserved it.

* * *

YAY!! Couldn't help but add that part about Mandos at the end! Thank you for all your overly kind reviews. I don't deserve any of them! But by all means continue them : ) 


	6. The Meeting and the Fight

Chapter 6

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Erestor arrived back at the healing ward twenty minutes before Glorfindel. Even though he had, after bathing and dressing, told all of Elrond's advisors that they would be meeting again. He smiled to himself. It seemed as though the world was beginning to right itself. His smile broadened as Glorfindel walked in the room.

Glorfindel looked magnificent. Dressed in fine robes (with sleeves long enough to cover his arm and a neck high enough to cover the bandage there) with his golden hair flowing freely around his shoulders, Erestor fell completely in love with him. Controlling himself, though, he forced on a teasing face and said, "I suppose I was a fool to believe that it would only take you an hour."

Glorfindel smiled as well. "I did warn you, Erestor." Something, though, in Erestor's teasing tone bothered him. In Glorfindel's experience, people put on that kind of act when they were trying to hide something. Glorfindel didn't want Erestor to hide himself. "So, what have you planned for me today?"

"Nothing too strenuous. We will meet with Elrond's advisors. There is a lot of work to be done…"

"And I have prevented you from getting this all done by demanding your attention around the clock," interrupted Glorfindel bitterly. Now he could see how Erestor saw him; as a bothersome nuisance that distracted him from the real work of running Imladris. It now seemed so foolish to him to think that he could be attracted to Erestor. It was pointless; Erestor would never develop feelings from him.

Erestor frowned and walked over to Glorfindel, shaking his head. "No, Glorfindel. You are not a nuisance to me. I am your friend, that's what I'm here for." Almost, he reached out to take Glorfindel's hand, but then thought better of it. Glorfindel might see through that. Erestor was trying to work on a solid friendship right now, not confuse Glorfindel with ideas about how much Erestor really wanted him.

Glorfindel saw the hesitation in Erestor's eyes and wondered what the elf was hesitating to do. He grabbed Erestor's hand on a whim. "Come on, then. Let us go." He saw the surprise in Erestor's eyes, but no resistance, either. _Does he perhaps have feelings for me, as well. It would not seem as much a betrayal to Elrond if my next lover was one who loved Elrond as dearly as I did. _Erestor's hand was slightly smaller than his, but just as strong and callused. Glorfindel was momentarily surprised by this, but not for long; Erestor spent a fair amount of time in the yard and was reputed to be quite good with a sword and excellent with a bow, went out on just as many patrols as Glorfindel and Elrond did, had killed just as many orcs as them.

Erestor frowned. "Okay." He pulled his hand free. As much as he would _like_ to hold Glorfindel's hand, it just didn't seem right. They walked down the halls in a comfortable silence.

Glorfindel paused outside the door. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this."

Erestor put a hand on Glorfindel's shoulder. "It'll be fine. I'm here with you. Now, come on." He opened the door. A dozen elves were already seated and waiting to begin. At the head of the table were two chairs, not one. Glorfindel and Erestor took these seats.

"Thank you for coming today," said Erestor. "It's important that we try to put Elrond's death behind us. There is no point in forgetting the future because we are too busy remembering the past."

Glorfindel reached under the table and gripped Erestor's hand tightly. Erestor flinched slightly, but otherwise showed no reaction. Continuing to hold hands under the table, Erestor began to detail what he wanted done. Not usually prone to extravagant hand gestures, Erestor did not feel that the loss of one hand significantly impacted his ability to conduct a meeting.

After nearly twenty minutes of this, he stopped, smiled, and turned to Glorfindel. "So, do you have any comments, Lord Glorfindel?"

Glorfindel was stunned by that statement. It seemed so cold and impersonal. Yet Erestor was gently stroking the top of his hand under the table in a very affectionate manner. These two things seemed to completely contradict each other. "…No, I have nothing to add."

Erestor nodded. "Then this meeting is ended. I will see all of you again tomorrow morning, at the same time." He remained seated until all the others had left, and then turned to Glorfindel. "I'm sorry that I took control like that…but I wasn't sure that you could handle this. If you want to do tomorrow's meeting…"

"No, you look like you have everything under control." _Like you don't even need me around._ Feeling suddenly worthless again, he freed his hand from Erestor's and stood up.

Erestor frowned, a little confused by Glorfindel's actions. And a little hurt, as well. "What is it, Glorfindel?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yes." Erestor walked over to Glorfindel, who had stepped away, and put his arm around Glorfindel's waist. "I want to know the truth."

"It's just…the way you handled the meeting…it was like you didn't even need me around…like I…like it doesn't matter if I'm here or not because you've got everything under control…"

Erestor laughed. "Meetings have always been my thing. It's when it comes down to actually getting the work done that I become lost. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, Glorfindel. I didn't mean to." _I want to kiss you._ Erestor closed his eyes. "So, are you hungry? It's been a while since you've eaten much."

Glorfindel shook his head. "No, I'm not hungry at all." It was the truth. Many things might have returned to normal, but his appetite was still gone. He would even go so far as to say that he felt that if he did eat something, he would probably throw it back up.

Erestor nodded. "Okay. So…what do you want to do now? I want you to enjoy yourself today. It's a beautiful day today…what say we go outside? We could go riding…we could spar…whatever you would like."

Glorfindel grinned. "You are reputedly good with a sword…are you good enough to best me?"

"I am vain enough to think that I can at least give you a good fight."

"Fair enough. Let me change, though." Glorfindel looked down at his fine clothes. "I fear that these are not the best for swordplay. I shall meet you in the yard shortly."

* * *

Glorfindel was surprised. Erestor was better with a sword than Glorfindel had thought possible. It seemed for the odd moment now and again that Erestor would actually win. Elves had gathered around to watch the two. Clearly, they had not thought that Erestor had the skill to even provide much of a challenge to Glorfindel.

"Ready to yield yet, Glorfindel?" asked Erestor elatedly. This was a wonderful way to get rid of pent-up emotions. He felt so much freer than he had in weeks.

"You're going to have to try harder than this if you want to beat me," shot back Glorfindel teasingly.

That was right before he misstepped and tripped over a rock. He struggled to remain standing, and then fell soundly on his back. Erestor stood above him, then placed the sword point delicately to Glorfindel's neck. "Do you yield?"

Glorfindel really, really didn't want to yield right now. He saw a weakness in Erestor's stance, smiled a little, and smashed the flat of his sword into Erestor's left knee. Erestor fell down to his knees, giving Glorfindel the seconds he needed to get back to his feet. Erestor was just as agile, though Glorfindel could see the way he winced before he put any weight on his left leg. "Did that hurt?"

"Yes, you arrogant elf, that hurt." Erestor began a brutal offensive, forcing Glorfindel to give more and more ground until his arm began to tire.

"Okay, okay, okay, Erestor. We're friends. There's no need to try and kill me."

"Do you yield?"

Glorfindel hated to do this. It would severely hurt his pride. But he could see that Erestor was more in the mood for this than he was. Erestor would win, no matter how long this fight was to be drawn out. "Fine, Erestor. I yield." He threw down his sword.

Erestor smiled and stepped back. "'Twas a good fight. We should spar more often."

"Depends on how badly we plan on injuring each other," joked Glorfindel, retrieving his sword. The two began to head inside.

"True enough. My knee is going to sting something awful."

"I'm sorry about that." Glorfindel felt genuinely regretful. _You're never going to win his heart if you hurt him. Idiot._

Erestor smiled and squeezed Glorfindel's hand affectionately. "I probably deserved it. It's my fault that I let it happen. Think nothing of it." He wanted so badly to kiss Glorfindel right now. He took a deep breath and continued to walk.

Glorfindel could tell that Erestor was struggling with some unknown demon. "Is something wrong, Erestor?"

_Apart from the fact that I am falling in love with you?_ "No, nothing's wrong." He walked slightly ahead of Glorfindel. If he didn't want to lose his mind to this infatuation, he would have to put some distance between himself and Glorfindel. _This is folly, plain and simple._

Glorfindel was sure he had done something wrong. "If I have done anything to offend you, Erestor, please tell me what it is."

"You have done nothing, Glorfindel." Erestor, as much as he didn't want to leave Glorfindel alone, couldn't deal with being around Glorfindel right now. His mind was dropping into irrationality, and he needed some time alone to calm himself and sort his thoughts and feelings out. He would send someone else to stay with Glorfindel until such time as he was willing to face Glorfindel. "I shall see you later, mellon-nin."

As Erestor faded out of sight, Glorfindel closed his eyes. In a voice so soft that only he could hear it, he said, "Please don't leave me all alone."

* * *

Author's Note: Aww, poor Glorfindel. Don't worry, things will get better next chapter. 


	7. Latenight Chat

Chapter 7

* * *

Erestor had just begun to fall asleep when someone knocked on his door. His first impulse was to ignore it and go back to sleep. It would be so easy to do. He wanted to curl up and try to sleep. He hardly slept at all these days and it was starting to affect him. Somehow, he doubted that whoever this was wanted something urgent from him. Just as he was rationalizing all of this to himself, though, something else occurred to him. He was, technically, running Imladris. This could be some emergency. He remembered several times when he had had to wake up Elrond in the middle of the night. Mumbling a curse under his breath, he departed from the warmth of his bed and walked over to the door. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he opened the door.

It was Glorfindel. Erestor involuntarily smiled. "What can I do for you, Glorfindel?" He put a hand on Glorfindel's shoulder. There was a haunted look in Glorfindel's sapphire eyes that worried Erestor a little. "Is something amiss?" He stepped back from the doorway. "Come in, mellon-nin."

Glorfindel stepped inside and Erestor closed the door behind him. Glorfindel realized that he had never been in Erestor's rooms before. They were just as he had expected; cold and impersonal. There were few things in the room. Upon closer inspection, though, all of them seemed meaningful. Erestor apparently was not one who collected things just for the sake of having them, but had simply a few things that meant the world to him. The room was not exactly welcoming, but it seemed to fit Glorfindel's mood. "Do you remember that you told me that I could come and talk to you…whenever I needed to?" Glorfindel paused for a long moment. "Well…I think that I need to."

"Of course, Glorfindel. Sit down. Would you like something to drink? To eat?" Erestor sensed that this would be a painful conversation and was doing what he could to delay its beginning. It wasn't that he didn't want to help Glorfindel. He did. It was just that taking all of Glorfindel's pain onto himself wasn't necessarily the smartest of ideas.

"No…thank you." Glorfindel looked at the ground. "I can go if you'd like."

"No. Don't even think about it. Sit down." He watched as Glorfindel sat down and then seated himself. All thoughts of sleep were gone from his mind. Glorfindel looked so upset right now that he just wanted to take Glorfindel into his arms and hold him. If he thought that that was what Glorfindel wanted, he would not have hesitated to do so. However, he was all but certain that Glorfindel did not want him to.

For the first time, Glorfindel saw the tiredness in Erestor's face. Erestor had done a good job of hiding it, but now it showed through. Glorfindel cursed himself for taking up Erestor's time. He knew that Erestor had enough trouble of his own, trying to mourn Elrond and yet continue to run Imladris, without him being such a time-consuming burden. He almost lost his nerve; he almost got up and walked out. He would like to think that Erestor cared enough about him to chase after him, but once again, that was one more strain that Erestor did not need to have placed on him. "Life has become too hard for me to handle," he said. Then he realized how pathetic he sounded and hated himself even more. "I'm sorry, Erestor, I shouldn't have woken you…" He began to rise to his feet.

Erestor was too fast for him, though. Erestor pushed him back down into the chair. "No, mellon. I'm not letting you go anywhere. You're obviously upset about something. I'm your friend. I want to help you. So tell me what's wrong, tell me what's on your mind, and we'll work through it together." Part of him was so tired of Glorfindel's behavior, but he couldn't let that show. Now he cared too much about Glorfindel to be willing to let anything happen to him. He moved his chair closer to Glorfindel's, close enough so that he could hold Glorfindel's hand. "Talk to me. The only way things are ever going to get better is if you just talk to me."

Glorfindel nodded. He knew that Erestor was right. To have Erestor holding his hand was reassuring as well. He felt himself falling even more in love with Erestor. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, though, he began to speak. "I don't know why it is, Erestor, but…I don't feel that I love Elrond any longer." There. He had said it. And it was true. Ever since…ever since the second time he had tried to kill himself, he had no longer felt much love for Elrond. It was to Erestor that his heart now belonged. "I feel like such a traitor. I feel like I could have not really ever loved him…if it only took me a week to get over him. I feel…I feel like such a bad person…I feel like…not that there's no point to living, but that I will never find the point of living…that I am doomed to just wander around blindly for the rest of my days."

"But you don't feel like…hurting yourself again?" That might be more than Erestor could bear. He didn't like to see Glorfindel so vulnerable. Though it attracted Erestor, in Erestor's mind, Glorfindel had always been the strong type, the type that would never crack, no matter the pressure. Erestor didn't want to ever walk into Glorfindel's room and see a bloody knife again, or Glorfindel collapsed on some piece of furniture, near death. Erestor didn't know what he would do if Glorfindel actually succeeded in killing himself.

"No. I don't. I want to live…no, its not so much that as there's just as little point to me right now to dying as to living. I feel so lost, Erestor." _What makes it so much worse, Erestor, dear friend, is that I have fallen completely in love with you, and I don't think that you feel the same way about me. _"I'm sorry…you don't need my burdens as well as yours."

"I take them willingly, Glorfindel. That is what friends are for. That is what I am here for. I am here to help you. I don't want you to feel like you are ever a burden on me. Because you are not. Not at all." _I wish that you loved me. Then I could hold you all night long and show you that there is a point to living. Only you don't love me and I don't think that you ever will._

Glorfindel nodded. "I suppose you are right. I've always…I'm not used to not being completely in control. I'm used to being strong. And now…it's like I've lost who I really am and now I'm just…a shadow of myself…that doesn't make any sense, does it?" Glorfindel shook his head. "Maybe I'm just going crazy."

"You're not going crazy. It's just that something really bad happened to you. Your body is overcompensating for the loss. It'll take a while, but I'm certain that things will go back to normal." _I hope they do. I'm not sure that I like this new Glorfindel. Perhaps, though, he has been this way all along and I've just never been around to witness it. If Glorfindel stays this way, he will drain all the life from me._ "And I will be here for you while that's happening."

"I don't deserve a friend like you." Glorfindel realized he was wallowing in self-pity again and stopped himself. "Let's stop talking about this. It's only putting me in a worse mood. Can we talk about something…normal? Anything. Just to get my mind off…off of everything." _Or I could just leave you alone so that you can get some sleep. I'm sure that that's what you'd prefer. But I really want to stay with you longer. I like to see you like this. You look…vulnerable…somehow._ "If it wouldn't be too much trouble."

Erestor smiled; he didn't like talking about this, either. "Well, I'm sure I can think of something amusing to get your mind off of your troubles." After a few seconds of delay, he launched into an amusing story about an incident, years ago, when he had dared Elrond, who was famed for his inability to cook, to prepare dinner for the two of them. The ensuing disaster was enough to bring tears to Glorfindel's eyes, who had never known about this incident, having been away on a trip when it occurred.

"Did that really happen?" asked Glorfindel, amazed that Erestor would do something so malicious to Elrond and that Elrond would actually attempt it. _You did love Elrond, possibly as much as I did. I can tell. The way your face lights up, the way your eyes light up, when you mention his name, gives away everything. I don't mind. He's dead now, and as far as I know, nothing ever came of your love for him._

Erestor nodded. "Yes. Taught me quite a lesson. I never again made him cook anything again." Erestor realized how tired he was just now. As much as he would love to continue to entertain Glorfindel, he did need some sleep if he was going to be able to run Imladris come tomorrow morning. He just couldn't figure out the right way to phrase his request so it wouldn't sound like he was kicking Glorfindel out.

Glorfindel seemed to get the hint, though, and stood up, pulling his hand free. "I'll leave you to your rest, Erestor. I can tell you're tired."

Erestor nodded. _What I would like more than anything is for you to stay here with me tonight. Even I am not foolhardy enough to ask that of you, though._ "Okay, then. I wish you sweet dreams."

Glorfindel made it most of the way to the door before turning around. He was tired of beating around the bush. It would eat at him until he knew exactly how Erestor felt about him. And this was one sure way to find out. Drawing on reserves of courage that he did not know he possessed, he said, "I'm not sure that I want to go."

Erestor, who had walked back over to his bed, frowned and asked, "What do you mean?"

Glorfindel swallowed hard. "Please don't hate me for saying this…but it won't leave me until I put it out in the open. Ever since Elrond died, it has been…I said earlier that I am not in love with him any longer…you have replaced him in my heart. Over the past few days, I have grown more and more attracted to you…I understand if you don't feel the same…"

"Are you saying that you wish to spend the night here?" asked Erestor, bemused.

"If by that you're assuming that we will have sex…then no. I don't know exactly how I feel about you…all I know is that I want to figure it out. I know that this could be…a disgrace to my love for Elrond…but you loved him as much as I did. I want to know if there's anything between us that exceeds the bonds of friendship."

Erestor nodded. "Okay, then. Come to bed." Erestor turned his back on Glorfindel and got into bed, leaving it up to Glorfindel to make the final decision.

Glorfindel was amazed that it had gone that well. He had expected Erestor to say no. Only now he was stuck with deciding whether or not to go to Erestor's bed. Part of his heart told him that it would be a betrayal to Elrond. So he almost just walked out of the room. But part of his heart said that he couldn't mourn Elrond forever, and that would not be what Elrond wanted of him.

So he slipped his clothes off and walked to the strange bed. Erestor immediately snuggled up to him, resting his head on Glorfindel's shoulder. Glorfindel put his arm around Erestor's slender waist and closed his eyes. For the first time since Elrond had died, Glorfindel felt nearly at peace.

* * *

Author's note: See, told you they'd be happy. Next chapter's going to be the last one! (Wow, i'm actually going to _finish_a fic! It's a miracle!) 


	8. The Morning After

Chapter 8

Erestor woke up first. It wasn't even light outside yet. He started to roll over onto his side, but realized that he couldn't, because there was a head on his shoulder and an arm securely wrapped around his waist. At first a little confused, he began to sit up. Then all the memories of the previous night presented themselves and Erestor realized who he was in bed with. A huge, almost idiotic, smile passed across his face. Knowing now that he would never be able to get back to sleep, he settled down, staring at Glorfindel, occasionally stroking the golden hair.

Slowly, dim rays broke through the window, illuminating the room. Occasionally, they would catch on Glorfindel's hair in just the right way, and for an instant, the entire room lit up. It looked like it would be a beautiful day. As time went on, the room grew brighter and brighter, but Glorfindel still did not wake.

Erestor was not about to wake him up. He knew that, like him, Glorfindel was not sleeping well. Any night where a good and healthy sleep could be derived was worth treasuring. As far as Erestor was concerned, Glorfindel could spend all day in his bed. It mattered not a whit to him.

Eventually, though, Glorfindel stirred. He was a little confused, because he wasn't used to waking up next to someone else. The first thought that entered his mind was that this had all been a bad dream and that he was still in bed with Elrond. The thought was reinforced with a quick glance up to see a dark-haired slender elf. As he awoke, though, his mind cleared. This was not Elrond's room. And that meant that this elf could not be Elrond.

"Good morning, Glorfindel," said Erestor.

"Do I have to get up yet?" mumbled Glorfindel, burying his face into Erestor's shoulder. He had never been a morning person, and had been even less so since Elrond died. Every new morning meant one more day that he had to deal with the fact that Elrond was no longer here. "Can't I stay here longer?"

Erestor chuckled. "You can, if you wish, but I must get up. There is work that I must see to this morning."

_And I am keeping you from it._ Glorfindel rolled away from Erestor, turning completely away from him. "Okay, then."

Erestor wondered what he had said wrong. "Glorfindel, what is it?" He put a hand on Glorfindel's side. But really, he wasn't in the mood for more of Glorfindel's moodiness. Not first thing in the morning.

In a sudden moment of clarity, Glorfindel realized that Erestor really did care about him, but was tired of Glorfindel's moods. So he turned back towards Erestor. "Nothing. What do we have to do today?"

Erestor collapsed back down onto the bed from his half-sitting position. "There are so many things that to list them all would take the entire day." He wrapped his arm around Glorfindel's shoulder. "Come to think of it, I don't want to get up, either." He shook his head. "Too much work to do. It will be the death of me. I don't know how Elrond managed it all."

Glorfindel rested his head on Erestor's chest. He could hear Erestor's heart beating slowly. He felt so alive. "That's why I'm here, Erestor. Surely the two of us, intelligent elves, can manage to almost finish the work of one brilliant elf." The time had come, he knew, to stop being such a burden to Erestor and to actually become a productive person again. He had to pull himself together.

"Are you sure?" Erestor wanted nothing more than to hear Glorfindel say something like that, but he wasn't sure if Glorfindel was truly better enough to be able to take on a heavy workload, or indeed, any workload at all. "I can muddle on without you, you know…but I would like any help you could give."

The door burst open and a servant walked in. Erestor made no effort to push Glorfindel off of him, and Glorfindel made similarly no effort to move away from Erestor. Both saw the slight astonishment on the servant's face. Finally, the servant managed to find the words that he had been sent here to say. "Erestor…the trade delegation is awaiting you…should I…what should I tell them?"

Erestor didn't want to laugh at this elf's confusion. So he smiled and said, "Tell them that I will be there shortly." He even managed to contain the laughter until the door closed.

"I guess you should get up, then," said Glorfindel. What he wanted was to spend all day in bed with this beautiful elf that he was sure was at least mildly attracted to him. He began to move off of Erestor, but Erestor's surprisingly strong arm held him in place. "What are you doing?"

"I am now…we are the most important elves in Imladris. If we want to keep someone waiting, we can. And I, for one, am now immensely comfortable. Unless you have some burning desire to get up."

_No, no burning desire to get up. A slight burning desire for other things, but that's not important right now._ "Erestor, they'll be angry with you." He completely agreed with Erestor, though. This was a comfortable bed, they were both still sleepy enough to not want to get up yet.

"Do you care? Because if you really want me to go, then I will. After all, I'm sure that sitting through hours of a mind-numbing meeting will be much more enjoyable than staying here in bed." Erestor realized just how sexual that sounded and winced slightly. Though he meant it with all his heart, he didn't want to intimidate Glorfindel any more than was strictly necessary.

"I really do think you should go. I'm sure that we can set aside some time later for spending here in your comfortable bed. But to earn that, you have to sit through your mind-numbing meetings. Meanwhile, I will be in Elrond's office, seeing to all the correspondence that I'm sure has piled up into mountains by now. We will see each other at the noon meal and then we shall decide what to do with the rest of our day." All of this, of course, was absolutely the opposite of what Glorfindel actually wanted to do.

Erestor groaned. "Tell me you're kidding."

"Nope." Glorfindel turned to get out of bed.

Erestor acted faster. He pinned Glorfindel down on the bed, his hands pinioning Glorfindel's wrists to his sides, and grinned at him. "I can think of much better things to do."

"As I said a few moments earlier, there is ample time to be spent in bed. However, the trade delegation will only wait so long before they leave. And you really don't want that to happen." Glorfindel's heart was racing; did this mean that Erestor wanted him as much as he wanted Erestor? He sincerely hoped so. "So I think that you should get off me and get dressed."

Erestor sighed but did not move. "I am afraid that I will need some assurance that I will actually have you in my bed later in order for me to move now." His stomach tightened; this was the moment of truth.

Glorfindel grinned; he knew exactly what Erestor was saying. Freeing one of his hands from Erestor's grip, he pulled Erestor's head down and kissed him lightly, searchingly. Erestor tasted so much different from Elrond. Seeing that in all other ways they seemed so alike, this surprised Glorfindel a little. Where Elrond tasted of cloves and cinnamon, Erestor tasted like a multitude of things; among them were mint and honey. It was an addictive kind of taste, something Glorfindel knew he would be coming back for later.

The kiss lengthened and deepened. Glorfindel pulled Erestor fully down on top of him and tangled his hands in the dark hair. Erestor, for his part, managed to show a little self-restraint. He restrained himself from doing anything more than just kissing Glorfindel and running his hands along Glorfindel's perfect chest. Anything more, he knew, would have to wait for later.

Eventually, as all good things must, the kiss ended. Erestor smiled and pressed a gentle, almost chaste kiss to Glorfindel's forehead. "I think that that is assurance enough," he whispered into Glorfindel's ear. Then his tongue darted out and ran down the pointy ear. Glorfindel shuddered in pleasure.

Lightning-fast, Glorfindel reversed their positions. "It had better be," said Glorfindel confidently, sitting up and looking at Erestor lying under him. It was a sight that he knew he could get used to. Erestor looked absolutely perfect to him, in his own way even better than Elrond. Erestor smiled confidently up at him and raised a hand to caress Glorfindel's cheek. "Because that's all you're getting until I'm confident that you've got off your lazy ass and done some work." He grinned cheekily.

"Oh, you'll pay for that later," said Erestor. "Don't worry about that. Unfortunately, though, it does not appear that I can get any work done now. You seem to be sitting on me. So unless you move, it appears that I will be sitting here on my lazy ass all day." He half-sat up and kissed Glorfindel again, pulling Glorfindel down on top of him as he lay back down. This kiss lasted as long as or longer than the first, and neither really seemed like they wanted to get up at its conclusion.

Finally, though, Erestor pushed Glorfindel off of him and actually made it out of bed. Scowling at the thought of actually having to go and work, he pulled at Glorfindel's arm. "Uh-uh, you have to get up, too. I seem to recall you saying something about Elrond's correspondence."

Glorfindel groaned theatrically, but pulled himself out of bed. "The tortures you put me through, Erestor." Slowly, he began to pull on the clothes he had deposited on the floor the previous night. Erestor, however, disappeared into the bathroom so that he could at least give the appearance of cleanliness and dignity. He emerged about twenty minutes later and found Glorfindel lounging on the bed again, only this time he was fully dressed.

"I thought you were going to work," said Erestor, pulling his hair back and restraining it with a small black clip. "In fact, I believe that that was part of our agreement."

"I was waiting for you."

"How thoughtful of you. I suspect, however, it was your innate laziness that you just didn't want to go and work." He walked over to the bed and pulled Glorfindel up. "That is something that I am going to have to remedy."

They walked to the door hand in hand. Erestor opened it and they walked out. They continued to walk through the hallways together, though they were no longer holding hands. When it finally came to the turning where they had to separate, Glorfindel turned to Erestor and kissed him briefly. "I love you," he murmured to Erestor.

Erestor smiled up at Glorfindel. His smile was so intense that it could have lit an entire room. "I love you, too."

* * *

Author's Note: Wow! I actually finished a fic! Anyhow, would anyone be interested in seeing a sequel? Prequel? Both? Neither? Should I just stop writing altogether? All opinions are welcome.

And thank you to everyone who reviewed this, especially **Haldir's Heart and Soul**, **Nevvy**, and **lostdreamer**. Also thank you to everyone who reads slash out there! You make this possible!


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